Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
why is half of my head shaved?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
