I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
