Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
