he was CRYING into my vagina
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
