She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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