Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
