what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
