do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
