So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize