im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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