erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
