If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize