My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
