It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
