I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
thus making me awesome and them whores
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
