like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
