This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
