Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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