Screwed.edu
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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