I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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