is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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