that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize