how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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