It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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