question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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