I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I want a musical about memes.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
