I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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