I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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