I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
