Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
