My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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