Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
