she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
