so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
