still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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