You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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