we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
