I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have tasted many bathrooms
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
