Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize