all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
