I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
