I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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