no, he came in my armpit
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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