Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize