To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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