I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
