she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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