Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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