Come see our sink grown plant.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
