mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize