chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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