I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
high people should be assigned attendants
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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