It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
