nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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