4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
