JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
