Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
