ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it hurts more in the daytime
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
