I think i peed on brittanys purse
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize