Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
