This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
