just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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